What exactly is marriage? More specifically, what makes a marriage? A marriage is covenant between two people; a relationship which is worked out over time as those two people go through life together. What I am wondering, is at what point do those two people begin that covenant?
American marriage today is typically defined as beginning with a wedding. Two people cohabiting is not considered a marriage, because they haven’t had a wedding. They haven’t yet made those promises to each other.
In the Old Testament, marriage was an agreement made between two families, and the celebrations changed slightly throughout time as the culture changed throughout the centuries. In Genesis, when Jacob married, the ultimate decision rested in the hands of his father in law. In Exodus, Zipporahs father gave her to Moses. However, Zipporahs father was also a priest. In the Garden, God stood and gave Eve to Adam, proclaiming them wed. These are all Proto-Israel examples. After the formation of Israel and Jewish culture, Jewish weddings formed their own cultural traditions.
This is the model established then: The authority present over the bride gives her to the male. Thus the covenant begins.
Everything else we do in America is a throwback to some other ancient culture, especially European Paganism. The ring is symbolic of magical binds. The circle is a powerful magical symbol, and for two people to wear identical rings is to bind their souls together into the same circle and cycle within the natural spiritual cycles observed in the greater context of nature itself. The honey moon is a direct syncretism of Celtic tradition. After a Druid married the couple, they would leave and live together in the woods for three nights during the next full moon cycle, not letting the other out of their sight. During this time they would drink only honey mead. The honey mead would increase libido and fertility. The full moon cycle would also increase libido and fertility. This was called The Ritual of the Honey Moon, and often ended in conception.
Well then, what is marriage when it is void of all its cultural melting? It is a covenant made between a man and a woman before a spiritual authority. That’s what it was in the garden, before human traditions crept in.
My position then is thus: Two Christians, with Jesus as their High Priest and Prime Spiritual Authority, can be married in the presence of Him and no one else. They can strike the covenant to each other and to God, and then proceed to live it out according to the model of what a Christian Marriage is really supposed to look like: Male led, grace-sustained, microcosmic model for the gospel bearing the fruits of the spirit.
Is this cohabitation as America knows it? No. In American cohabitation, the parties are no under obligation to remain together. They have not made the covenant. This is only cohabitation in the direct dictionary definition of the word.
Does this mean the Christians can just say they’re married and everyone has to respect it? No. It does mean however that those who would challenge the marriage status must look closely and decide whether or not the covenant is being held, and whether or not God was really present in the striking of that covenant. This last test is a test of faith, only answered through prayer.
Let it be said however that as American citizens, it is the Christians obligation to fulfill American requirements for marriage as set forth by the state, be it traditional or common-law. Furthermore, if the Christians are members of a church body, than that church body holds spiritual authority over those Christians, and therefore they must adhere to their church’s guidance.
But in the case of a Christian couple who comes to the church presenting themselves as married, but have not fit what that church views as marriage, I would hope that the church would be willing to consider the idea that God, as our High Priest, could be present to administer a marriage covenant without the presence of a pastor. And while it is important that the couple do finalize their marriage in the eyes of the state, to not acknowledge their marriage and their honoring of the covenant they struck with each other and with God, and force the issue at the expense of their emotional, financial, and spiritual well-being is a disrespect to their brother and sister in Christ.
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